A friend and mentor of mine has a saying, "Marry off your son when he becomes independent, marry off daughter before she's independent."
 
This thought is interesting to those of us who live in a world who hope to marry off our child with the assistance of a Shadchan whose job it is to suggest a suitable match for a marriage-ready child.
 
100 years ago a marriage deal was made between the two sets of parents using the Shadchan without giving the children much of a choice.
 
As things evolved we got more to the point where the Shadchan was a "list provider" and a link to reach out to prospective families for marriage.

The children dated on their own and made all their decisions with the guidance of their parents and counselors.
 
It seems that we are slowly drifting away from this process. Children are telling their parents that they refuse to go out with someone that was suggested by a Shadchan and they will only date someone suggested by friends or family.
 
Family and friends have always been part of the process, but it was primarily the Shadchan that made the wheels turn when setting up a date based on suitable backgrounds, goals, age etc.
 
Incidentally, wherever I go in any circles - married or single, parent or child, Jewish or non-Jewish, religious or secular - one topic that surfaces as a burning issue is marrying off the kids.
 
Everyone has a story. Many of the stories are filled with pain and disappointment. Many parents feel that their older and unmarried children are left out of the marriage scene; on the other hand, many children feel that their parents don't care enough.
 
I believe that because of the high rate of divorce parents are telling their children to wait until they are a little more mature, more settled and more financially sound before making a move toward marriage. They are also less likely to push their child into marriage.
 
Where as once we married our girls off at the age of 18-19 and our boys at the age of 21-22 today we have raised the age of marriage by a good few years. The younger our children get married the more they will trust our opinion not only in the dating process but also in setting up their lives, homes and their futures. They will turn to us for advice for the success that they need in these trying times. 
 
 What's interesting is that with these precautions the divorce rate has changed. However, instead of bringing down the divorce rate (specifically within the Orthodox community) it has increased the divorce rate.
 
To oversimplify a complicated situation: it's often better when two people grow, develop and mature together.  
 
Many of the older girls and boys who are not married can unfortunately point fingers at the adults in their life. The fact is that if you allow your children to wait the extra year or two it completely upsets the process, quite often by that time our children don't know what they want anymore. The child ends up losing focus or changes focus from idealism, shlichus (outreach), chinuch (education) to a base materialistic lifestyle.
 
We should take a few steps back and return to marrying off our girls at 18-19 and our boys at 21-22. Particularly when that is what they want, we should be supportive and encouraging in their effort because all they need is one person to make them happy for the rest of the lives.