title of a recent AP article really made me happy.
The title "U.S. Divorce Rate at Lowest Level Since
1970" seemed like great news.
euphoria lasted only one moment, because as I read
further I realized that the marriage rate is down and
therefore the divorce rates are down. This title only
reflects divorces, not couples who live together without the
benefit of marriage who then decide to live separately. In
fact, not only are more couples breaking commitments, but
many more are even afraid to make a commitment. Therefore,
the title of the article does not necessarily reflect good
news, but bad.
article quoted many different reasons for this drop
in divorces such as pre-marital counseling, more openness
towards counseling, more classes available to couples with
issues, couples marrying later in life and a greater trend
towards couples working out their differences instead of
the report is inconclusive and the experts can't
agree on the reasons for this drop in divorces, many of the
reasons cited have merit and are worth studying.
Some experts say
relationships are as unstable as ever - and divorces are
down primarily because more couples live together without
if this is the reason that divorces are down the study is
not positive. Relationships without marriage are nothing to
living together without the benefit of marriage can be
harmful for the children as well since the relationship is
not a committed one and therefore lacks stability and is
more prone to break-up. For the children of such unions when
the couple breaks up there may as well be a divorce. The
lack of official papers does nothing to make a split easier
on the kids.
.. and Americans are
waiting about five years longer to marry than they did in
are getting married older because the professionals
say that we have a better understanding of what we want in
life the older we are. I'm not sure I understand this
reasoning at all.
olds make life-long and life altering decisions which
affect the direction their life will take. Most obvious is
their choice of profession. 18 year olds CAN give it thought
and make a decision and stick to it.
marriage lasts if the couple has the proper attitude
and real commitment to make the union work. These two traits
do not necessarily have anything to do with age. People who
marry young, with the right attitude and make a commitment
to stay together no matter what, generally grow together and
Other researchers have
documented what they call "the divorce divide,"
contending that divorce rates are indeed falling
substantively among college-educated couples but not among
less-affluent, less-educated couples.
the differences within a relationship are simply
because of the differences between men and women. There are
divorces that do come about because of ignorance of these
differences. People don't realize that with a little
education marriage can work. Classes, Rabbis, clergy,
counselors and mediators are readily available for anyone
who seeks help.
Other experts, however,
are heartened by what they view as the increased
determination of many couples to make marriage work ..
through programs like marriage-strengthening programs.
get married without any formal education about
marriage and relationships. That was good enough many years
ago when people lived in a house with one parent home all
day and then married and lived close to their parents. They
learned about marriage from their parents. Today many
children don't see their parents that often because both
parents are working and they live far away from their
parents once they marry. Many young couples today have no
role models and could use additional marriage education.
People who've attended
marriage workshops said the classes gave them some insight
into how to regenerate the closeness they had when they got
therapists tell couples in marriage counseling that
they should take a two week break from the intimacy of their
marriage. They say this will help refresh the marriage.
People that marry and live by Torah laws are given the
opportunity to do just this. Because of the laws of Taharas
Hamishpachah (family purity) a husband and wife may not be
intimate for the 12 days following the onset of a woman's
menstrual period. This two week break allows for the couple
to communicate on every level besides an intimate one. When
the two weeks end and the couple resume the intimate part of
their relationship the marriage feels renewed.
Furthermore, couples must recognize that they need shared
time and time spent alone working on their own projects.
Gaetano Ferro of New
Canaan, Conn., president of the American Academy of
Matrimonial Lawyers, says overall national trends haven't
had a noticeable effect on his fellow divorce lawyers.
"I've been active in
the academy two decades plus," Ferro said. "I've
never heard anyone say, 'We're in trouble. There are fewer
So in the end, we really
can't be sure what is working to make the divorce rate drop,
if anything is working at all. The one thing that is
definite is that marriage is hard work.
suggestions of the professionals to take courses and
become more aware of what we're getting into should be
implemented. The more work we put into our relationship the
more we'll see out of it. The most important thing is for
each couple to hold their marriage as sacred, work on it and
do what it takes to stay together.