WWW.KOSHERDELIGHT.COM - GLOBAL JEWISH DIRECTORY WITH NEWS AND INFORMATION, TRAVEL, EDUCATION, PARENTING, HOLIDAYS AND MORE   כושר דילייט - מגאזין יהודי באינטרנט הכולל חדשות ומידע יהודי גלובלי. המגאזין כולל: בתי חב"ד, בתי ספר יהודיים, אוכל כשר ומסעדות כשרות, מקוואות, חינוך ועוד

   

Kosher Restaurants

Kosher Hotels

Synagogues

Kosher recipes

Mikvah

Jewish Holidays

KOSHER RESTAURANTS

KOSHER HOTELS

SYNAGOGUES

KOSHER RECIPES

MIKVAOT

JEWISH HOLIDAYS

                          ב"ה   
KOSHER DELIGHT - YOUR JEWISH ONLINE MAGAZINE!

Bullet Home
Bullet
SITE INDEX
BulletJEWISHKD.COM
Bullet
DONATE 

KOSHER
BulletKosher restaurants
   Around the World!
BulletKosher Hotels
Bullet
Kosher Recipes 

BulletVegetarian Restaurants
Bullet
Updates from the
   Chief Rabbinate of
   Israel

BulletKosher Alcohol Updates
Bullet
Kashrut Authorities
BulletKosher Products Lists

Bullet
Kashrut Comments

BET DIN OUTSIDE ISRAEL
BulletInternational Directory of Rabbinical Courts

SHABBAT
BulletCandle Lighting Times
   for Shabbat & Holidays


NEWS
Bullet
News & Media


JEWISH STUFF...
BulletJewish Simcha
BulletJudaism, Spiritualism,
   Opinions and more

Bullet
Jewish Communities
   Around the World

Bullet
Parashat
   HaShavuah
   
Bullet
Jewish Holidays
Bullet
Synagogues
Bullet
Mikvaot
Bullet
Chabad Houses
Bullet
Aish HaTorah
Bullet
Young Israel  
Bullet
NCSY
Bullet
B'nai Akiva
Bullet
Hillel
BulletThe Holocaust


PARENTING
BulletParenting
BulletJewish Camps
BulletKids
Bullet
Babies


HEALTH
Bullet
Jewish Hospitals
Bullet
Your Health
Bullet
Do not Abuse
    Drugs and Alcohol


FRIENDS ON 4
BulletOur Pets
BulletThe Dog Trainer: Q & A
BulletThe Veterinarian Corner
Bullet הטסת כלבים
Bullet כלבים: עכשיו הדיאטה
Bulletהיצלנו את לוקה


BulletInsurance New!
BulletQuestions & Answers
Bullet
Links


BulletCONTACT US!  


 
 
  KD MAGAZINE!                    ב"ה   
 
 
     
 

The Lunchtime Problem of Francisco Velazquez:
 It's All About Image

By Rabbi Shea Hecht

The problem Francisco Velazquez, a 14-year-old freshman at Balboa High School was having, brought to mind an issue that I had been thinking about: people cause themselves suffering for fear of losing social status.

 

In Velazquez's school there are two lunch lines. One line is for kids that get subsidized lunch with foods mandated by the federal government. While the students that pay stand on another line and are offered a totally different menu.

 

This system publicly divides the haves from the have-nots and Francisco Velazquez is not interested in being tagged as a have-not.  Being seen with a subsidized meal lowers your status. Francisco can't afford to buy lunch, therefore he doesn't eat lunch.

 

This reminded me of a conversation I had while sitting at the smorgasbord of a wedding. I didn't know either side of the wedding party very well, but I helped raise money for the wedding so I thought it was only right for me to show up and wish the family Mazal Tov.

 

I turned to the person next to me and asked him who he was related to at this wedding. To which he answered, "Neither side, I just helped out here with money so they can afford the wedding and I felt I wanted to come and say Mazal Tov."

 

It then dawned on me that many people earn enough money for daily expenses, yet they still want additional help when making a wedding. The extra help is needed because of the fear - the same fear that students like Velazquez have - of not being able to be like others.

 

The real question is why do we allow ourselves to feel forced to make weddings and Bar Mitzvahs that are beyond what we can afford?

 

The trappings we can't afford are not what make a wedding Kosher. For a wedding to be kosher all you need is a Kosher Rabbi, two kosher witnesses, a Minyan/required quorum of ten men and a Seudah/festive meal. All the rest is not necessary for couple to be married, and for that matter is no guarantee for a happy marriage. It is certainly not part of the Mitzvah to go into debt when planning a joyous occasion.

 

In fact, the less financial strain on the couple and their parents, the more likely it is that the marriage starts off on the right foot. When there is so much financial strain and tension the marriage can start off rocky.  

 

There's the matter of the overdone pictures and video, music, clothing, decor and of course, my pet peeve: the guests.

 

My favorite line about this topic is one that I've often said, "When you make a wedding, you invite those who you feel obligated to invite but don't really want, they don't feel they want to come, but don't want to say no, so they come and then they sit at your wedding and leave before the main course because they don't feel obligated to you in any way."

 

There has been some relief in our communities about this issue with the growing popularity of Simchas Chosson V'Kallah (instead of being invited to the whole meal people are invited to partake in the dancing with the bride and groom), but a greater change is possible and necessary.

 

The other day I came across an article that spoke of a change in a close-knit community. 

This community has accepted self imposed restrictions regarding the lavishness of the joyous occasions that they celebrate - starting from the L'Chaim/engagement party through the Sheva Brochos (the seven festive days after the wedding). These restrictions were made so that everyone who makes a wedding still feels on par with everyone else and not inferior. The married couple gets what everyone else gets. I think this change is one that we can all learn from.

 

 Do we really need to go into debt for our children's Bar Mitvah's and weddings to make our children feel special on their special day? Is it the menu that makes our kids feel special? The band?

 

I know someone who gives an equal amount of charity for whatever he pays for his child's Bar Mitzvah or wedding. Therefore he's careful with what he spends. He knows he has to afford double. It also gives him and his children a chance to focus on priorities and remember those who are less fortunate.

 

In this time that we all feel the strain of paying rent/mortgages and paying tuition perhaps it's a good time for us to realize that - like Francisco Velazquez - people don't want to be singled out for not being able to afford what others can. Maybe now the time is ripe to follow this group of Chassidim and collectively cut back on the unnecessary expenses we can't afford.  

 

***

Rabbi Shea Hecht's website: www.sheahecht.com


 

 
   
Custom Search
 
KOSHER DELIGHT MAGAZINE

Zikit Translation Services

ZIKIT TRANSLATION SERVICES , שירותי תירגום, שרותי תירגום, שירות תרגומים, שירות תירגומים, שרות תרגום, תירגום, תרגום, תירגום מסמכים, תירגום תעודות, תרגום טכני, תירגום טכני, תרגום, תרגומים מעברית לאנגלית, תרגומים מאנגלית לעברית, תרגום עברי אנגלית אנגלי עברי -  זיקית שירותי תרגום

www.zikit.org


THE JEWISH HOLOCAUST
THE HOLOCAUST - THE SHOAH

Advertise with Us!

KD Kosher Recipe Collection
Send us your 
Kosher Recipe!