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  KD MAGAZINE!         ב"ה              
 
 
     
 
The ABC's of Dating
By Rabbi Shea Hecht
 
RABBI SHEA HECHT



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

Awareness of what you need and are looking for in a spouse. In communities where parents do the searching for their children's spouse they should know what their children are looking for.
 
Background check is very important before you proceed.
 
Can I trust my source of information that everything they said about this potential mate is true?
 
Do I feel any level of attraction to this person?
 
Everyone has faults. Can I live with my potential mate's faults?
 
Follow your roadmap throughout your marriage. Did you make one?
 
Get feedback from the people who love you and know you best.
 
Heart! Heart! Heart! Is your heart drawn to this person? 
 
"I need my space" is a fair thing to say to unreasonable questions. 
 
Just say no to any requests that make you feel uncomfortable.
 
Kindness is telling. The old saying, "A man/woman who is nice to you, but nasty to the waitress is not a nice man/woman" is still true today.
 
Love is important, though ultimately it is respect that holds our marriage together.
 
Marriage is a lifetime's worth of work. The journey is easier when we have our family backing us and our roadmap planned out.
 
Nobody can do it alone. We all need support and advice from those who have traveled the well-worn path of dating and marriage. 
 
An Open mind is a good thing to have while dating.
 
Preconceived notions can destroy a potentially good relationship.

Ask a lot of Questions before you start dating. Meeting someone and feeling an attraction can mask valid concerns.
 
Reassure yourself that you don't have to know if "this is the one" right away. Give yourself some time.
 
Seek the guidance of a mentor or counselor.
 
Trust yourself and Take your time. If something feels wrong it probably is ... but of course, discuss your concerns with a mentor to be sure. 
 
Understanding self is the first step to a solid and healthy relationship. 
 
Vices. Does your date have any? What are they?
 
What do you find interesting about your date? If you understand what draws you to him/her you may understand yourself better.
 
EXamine the motives of those who are very pushy for or against a date turning into a marriage. Do they have your best interests in mind? 
 
Y marry? What are you looking for in marriage? Is the person you are dating a potential spouse that can help you get to where you want to go?
 
Zoom in on the beauty, joy and potential of relationships and proceed from there. 
Rabbi Shea Hecht is the Chairman of the National Committee for Furtherance of Jewish Education . His web site is: www.sheahecht.com

 
   
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