DVAR TORAH: Pinchus
Pinchus in his famous episode and the daughters
of Tzelofchod in theirs, had the courage to not
follow the norm like sheep. They weren't afraid
what people might think. They did what was
right, not what was convenient, not what
everyone else was doing. Our lives will be
happier indeed if we take their example as the
following true story (names of all people and
institutions changed) illustrates:
was entering her senior year in Bais Yaakov High
School, an orthodox girls school in New York.
This was a very exciting time for her, as senior
year involved applying to seminary. She was
happy to be one of the many girls planning to
study in seminary in Israel after for a year
after graduating high school.
deep intense study she would be exposed to,
combined with the holiness of the land of
Israel, promised to make this the most memorable
year of her life.
all the girls, she did her 'due diligence'
checking out numerous seminaries, the applied to
her top choices and hoped for the best.
After what seemed like an eternity of waiting,
she got accepted to two seminaries; Derech
Tevunah, and Bnos Malka. It was not a difficult
decision for her.
Derech Tevunah was her clear first choice.
Everything she had learned in her seminary
research told her that Derech Tevunah was the
place for her. It was the place where she would
thrive. Where she would reach the zenith of her
next day in school, she and her friends were
talking seminaries and she told them of her
decision. Their reaction was not at all what she
Instead of glee they were aghast. "How can you
even think of going there?"
"What do you mean?"
"You're never going to get a shidduch if you go
there. Derech Tevunah doesn't have a good
reputation in shidduchim like Bnos Malka. No
yeshiva boy is going to want to go out with you
if you have Derech Tevunah on your resume."
was bewildered and conflicted. She had just
gotten the wind knocked out of her. She really
felt that Derech Tevunah was the place where she
would do the best and gain the most; but, should
she risk her future for that? Did she want to
become a Dating Pariah? A Shidducha Non Grata?
On the other hand, did she want to give up being
all that she could be for a husband she hadn't
After much agony, after hearing many opinions
(solicited or not), she attended Bnos Malka. She
had a fine time there and tried not to think
about what it would have been like in Derech
After her year in seminary, she returned to New
York. It was time to start dealing with the
'real world.' Within short order she began
shidduch dating. Dating can be a complex
emotional process full of disappointment and
drama. The shadchan describes the potential
suitor and gives you information on them
including schools and shuls attended, career
plans, references, etc. You would then check out
the information, possibly call the references,
and decide if you wish to go out. Over time she
was introduced to some excellent boys from some
of the finest yeshivos.
Eventually, she was introduced to a young man
named Meir from Yeshivas Anshei Lev. Date after
date, they hit it off famously. Before long,
Meir popped the question and the two were
engaged. Now they are happily married.
During their engagement, while discussing
details for the wedding, Meir asked Leah if she
invited Rabbi Rosenfeld for the wedding.
is Rabbi Rosenfeld?", Leah responded.
know, Rabbi Rosenfeld, the dean of your
dean of my seminary was Rabbi Abramstein. There
was no Rabbi Rosenfeld at Bnos Malka."
I see. My mistake. I always thought that you had
gone to Derech Tevunah Seminary."
Dedicated by the Stehley family in honor of
their children Aaron, Elie & Talya.
Congregation Kehillas Torah, San Diego, CA